The first Badger.

It is widely believed that the first Badger lived in paradise. Badger was not doing much of anything in paradise, just hanging out with some buddies and chilling. It was sweet life.
​
Being very wise but also pretty naive , the higher being one day decided to give Badger some responsibility. The higher being called upon everyone to summon to the great halls of paradise where his seat was. The trumpets were blowing, choirs of winged dudes sang and bright lights dazzled everyone.

"Hear ya, hear ya", the higher being started. "In my infinite wisdom I have decided to give Badger a job that reflects my respect for him. I hereby name Badger as the guardian of the apple cider cellars."

The crowds were all in awe and wonder. Sighs of astonishment were heard everywhere along the great halls of paradise. You know, in paradise this job was very highly regarded. The one responsible for the job was - in fact - charge of all good and bad knowledge of the universe. So yes, it was kinda big deal.

The mind of the higher being was made. Badger was appointed to the job. Badger was happier and more proud than ever, and life would continue as usual in paradise. That was the idea but little did they know.

Badger was not really ill-willed at all. Badger was a piece-loving, totally relaxed creature that some malicious minds would have even called quite lazy. Badger just happened to have a rather sick sense of humor.

​So one day Eve passed by the apple cider cellars. "Psst", said Badger. "Oh yes?" said Eve. And the rest of the story everyone knows, I'm sure.

Of course in certain less fact-based historical writings the story has replaced the Badger with a snake and the apple cider with an apple. How small of them.